GUEST POST: CHRISTINE KOH ON having A second kid

We are delighted to share our area with Christine Koh today. She is our second guest blog writer on the topic of having a second child.

When I saw Heather as well as Whitney publish their visitor inquiry about whether or not to have a second child, my instant believed was, If only it was as simple as choosing indeed or no. I come from a big household (seven kids) as well as conceived my child Laurel quickly when my other half as well as I decided we were prepared to begin a family. However, our decision to have a second kid was complied with by a number of years of confusion as well as heartache when I couldn’t conceive. I felt like a failure, especially whenever Laurel begged me for a sibling.

I “came out” about my infertility on my personal blog in one sentence, however the process of composing that publish as well as putting it out there, then taking in the subsequent outpouring of like as well as response was truly cathartic. Not long after that experience, I made my peace. I contributed my infant gear. I happily ramped up my client work. I was content.

And then I discovered I was pregnant. Of course.

To state that I was shocked is an understatement. The day I discovered I was pregnant, we were overrun with household visitors as well as I was on my method out to an event. I actually handed my other half the pregnancy test, curtly stated “We can discuss this later,” as well as walked out the door. There was no jumping up as well as down, only shock. Jon as well as I didn’t even have a possibility to talk about it up until a few days later. By this point I had taken one more couple of pregnancy tests (including one at an already arranged annual checkup). It took time for my husband, 5-year-old child Laurel (who likewise made her peace after I told her it didn’t seem like I might grow more babies), as well as me to move from shock as well as confusion to joy as well as anticipation.

Only you will understand whether you are prepared pragmatically (e.g., Can we support a second child?) as well as internally (e.g., “Do I feel ready?”) to broaden your family, however right here is what we have discovered in having a second child:

I worried about Laurel having had our special interest for 6 years. We were so entrenched in our routine as well as time together. would I have sufficient to provide to one more baby? To Laurel? The response is yes, there is always sufficient like to go around.

If you choose to wait as well as revisit the topic of broadening your household later, don’t worry. huge spaces are good. Laurel as well as Violet are 6.5 years apart as well as it is fantastic. Laurel assists with Violet, she’s old sufficient to take direction as well as assist herself to things (e.g., if I’m nursing as well as can’t get as much as assist her), as well as she’s likewise old sufficient to have her own playdates as well as special sleepovers with her grandparents, which I believe is a contributing factor to why we have not seen any type of jealousy problems so far.

Yes, the very first month is hard. For me, it wasn’t so much about sleep deprivation as it was about coping with the freakish boob fluctuation connected with nursing, as well as the healing complying with 58 hours of labor. however you do come out of the fog, as well as there’s this chubby, smiling infant gurgling at you on the other side.

People are incredibly generous as well as will assist you. We were immensely touched by the generosity as people came by with meals, to snuggle Violet so I might nap, as well as to pick up Laurel for playdates to save us the trip as well as to provide her a bit additional attention.

You don’t requirement to spend a great deal of money to prepare for a second baby. We had next to nothing since I had provided most of our infant things away. We got tons of infant clothes as well as gear at my secondhand infant showerand after Violet was born, people came by with more things to fill in the gaps. Honestly, I have barely spent any type of money at all ”“ the only baby-related things I believe I have bought since Violet was born include breast pads as well as Seventh Generation diapers as well as wipes. For real.

Bizarrely, even though I run several businesses, I wasn’t terribly worried about keeping up. I didn’t routine formal pregnancy leave as well as winged it. everything worked out fine. part of this is since I like my work so it didn’t feel onerous getting back to it, as well as part of it was since Violet slept so much in her very first month that it was simple to poke in as well as keep work jobs moving.

It is possible to preserve connections — you just have to make it a concern as well as enlist help. My other half makes it possible for me to see with good friends as well as travel for work. My mom made it possible for Jon as well as I to go out on our very first date not as well long after Violet was born. as well as we have a couple of excellentbabysitters too. If money is tight, think about swapping sitting with other mom good friends ”“ watch her youngsters one night as well as she can watch yours another.

So there you have it. I suggest that you evaluate the pragmatics as well as internals. If the pro column outweighs the con column, take the goalie out of the net, as it were, as well as put your belief in the universe. If the con column outweighs the pros, online your life as a household of three to the fullest.In my eyes, it’s win-win either way.

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Christine Koh is the creator as well as editor of Boston Mamas, the designer behind swank Peacock, as well as composes a personal blog at Pop Discourse. She lives with her other half Jon, 7-year-old child Laurel, as well as 7-month-old child Violet in the Boston area. She tweets about everything at @bostonmamas.

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